Are You Wearing Your Social Skin?

I am planning to study or examine

Communication Act: A usual conversation of people, most probably teenagers, expressing their views regarding a certain issue.

I would try to study how people detect changes in public opinion, and most likely compromise their ideas to fit with the ideas that are mainstream(if it is minority), in fear of possible social rejection.

Communication Theory: Spiral of Silence

Social Suicide.

In more ways than one, I am suicidal. Over the Christmas break, I just sit around not doing anything; I consume half of Spuds's yearly produce; I strain my eyes watching crappy television, land on the couch and order everybody around; and uh, how will I say this one? Uhh, I got myself a textmate.

How cool and "in" can I get? I have a textmate! Oh well, that's actually awful. I'm not used to stuff like this but I just had to give it a try. It's not because I want one, but because I need one. And yes, I want to stress on that. Haha


Textmates may seem like total imbeciles but they are not useless; their unproductive-ness promises to bear fruits in the future. What they are doing (the click clicking) is merely preparation for something so revolutionary that talking about it will send shivers down your spine. I'm gonna befriend one - for a cause.

I sent a group message to everyone I think has someone to recommend (of course, I didn't tell them why). It was past 11 so I didn't think I would receive replies. But I guess my message left them wondering. They know me. I received an overwhelming number of vCards. All I had to do was pick from the most reliable senders. So I ended up beeping what someone referred to as "a friend."

"Hey(:"

I tried to be as casual as I can be. But I guess that's as stupid as it's gonna get. Good heavens! The number replied. Why did I even think no one is up by that hour? Texters are always up! Haha. And I was pushing myself to be one of them.

"Hey^^"
"Andree ryt?"
"Didee ryt?^^"

That's what most of the people I met oline call me. So I assumed he knew me! I wanted to drown myself. I need to blog about a textmate who doesn't know me!

"Hahaha you know me? Ayyyyy"
"Haha no. Cathy just told me."
"Oh great! Hehe hi then."

And so we started exchanging messages. To leave good impressions about me, I introduced my self as if I had glitters on my veins. *selective self presentation My hair wont stop raising, my entire body won't stop fidgeting, my lips can't relax from shivering and my freaking salivary glands stop secreting enough fluid to wash the vomit in my mouth! I can't come up with something to lessen the shame I got my self into! I'm not so sure if he really was impressed. But by the words he replied to me, I suppose he was. All I can do was rely on text-only messages. No nonverbal cues to get clues from.

"Ansaket ng legs kooooo :\"
"Oh why? Baka naman kasi you were running all day."
"Haha no. Me thanksgiving celebration kase kanina. My heels were killin my feet! Ugh."
"Hahahaha di ka siguro sanay no."
"Hehe I wear those always naman. Legs get tired too, yenno."
"Ay. I thought girls are used to wearing it na and never get tired."
"poor girls. We're human too noh!"
"Hehe oh I think a girl should be treated like queen."
"Wuu. Banat!"
"Hahahaha my mom used to tell me that."
"Nye. ang mushy haha"

I was suddenly acting as if I wasn't impressed. It was like saying "Tell me something I don't know" in a polite way. I sure think he was trying to create an image of a usual mom-is-my-idol type of guy. It was so amazing of him to still reply.

He . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .REPLIED!
Great! I was almost convinced my constant "Hahahahaha" has got to his nerves. It took him billions of seconds to reply on every message. That got me irritated. He said he was watching a certain koreanovela entitled, um, sheez that doesn't even matter. It was unbelievably eyeball-dropping that I wanted to send another mass message to get people's fingers up for me. Time really was something! As Walther said in his Social information Processing theory, time is the only nonverbal cue that is not filtered during a computer-mediated communication. I sure believe that if we were talking face-to-face he would be ashamed not to reply right away. It would most likely appear he had hearing problems.

The usual first question from strangers to start a talk would be "Do you have a boyfriend?" I was surprised it took him a few hours to finally ask.

"Hehe wala. Since sperm."
"Since sperm amp. Hahaha ako din e :p"
"We don't have to get more heartaches than happiness hahaha"
"Exactly! Pareho pala tayo no."
"Maybe. Lol Except kung iniisip mo din na guys are a bunch of liars Hahahaha"
"I'll think about it hahahaha"

We talked about lots of things. Just random topics. And we had things in common. Just like how we both think that men who wear pink are not necessarily "real men". Some just happen to love pink, like girls; There has been much expectation of Twilight so most people think the movie was a disaster; Love quotes make us sick. Because of that, he was saying things like I was also an "Andree". Or I was "just like his sister". I say, the informations were over-attributed. I just mentioned things that most people have a common opinion. So it doesn't necessarily mean "I'm like him, or his sister".

Ever since I beeped him we kept on exchanging compliments about each other. I mentioned I'm from UP. He mentioned he's taking BS IT.

"Ay batang UP. Matalino ka pala ah."
"Ikaw nga jan IT e."

We don't necessarily have to mean what we say. Just for the sake of being friendly.

He may have thought of saying something different about UP students. Like the stereotypical questions that I heard from others. On the other hand, I could have had thoughts of continuing my sarcasm and asked him why he took that kind of course, stuff like that. We have so much time to erase what we have typed and decide whether to do so or not. Unlike the possible brow-raising moments in face-to-face communication. He was, I think, careful in choosing his words because of the fact that I am a friend's friend. And he, the object of my almost-experiment.

We extended til early morning. by that, I mean 3 o'clock, i guess. I appreciated the time he allowed to go to waste talking with someone he doesn't even know personally. I could have been a gay looking for a boyfriend! *he's straight, btw. Maybe, you just know someone's reliable eventhough you can't see how he/she reacts.

Do not make the mistake of deprecating the abilities of a textmate because for all you know, that textmate could be the very cause of your extermination. They have the qualities that may put your whole existence in your university to oblivion. :))

I never realized how social suicide can be fun, too. (Hehehe)



P.S
I'm from Davao City, Mindanao(!)

People have neither been subtle nor kind in rubbing this to my face. If I had a cent every time someone tells me I am soooooooo far from where they are, I'd be able to pay the Philippine debt.

thanks cathy

The world is a plot..

..and we are onions.

My closest friends know a lot about me. They know when I cry, when I’m angry, and when I’m extremely happy. When I say a lot, I mean good, bad, or ugly. The time we have been together is just so long I can’t keep keep my real self from getting known to them. But it doesn’t mean every single person in my circle of friends know EVERYTHING about me. A lot, but not everything.

As we develop relationships with people, they penetrate deeper and deeper into our private and personal matters. Vulnerabilities may be exposed, but just as trust has been developed along the way. The Social Penetration Theory explains how this happens.

Using the onion concept Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor developed, one can be able to easily describe the human being’s nature. Like an onion, our personalities as individuals are multilayered in nature. As we peel an onion’s first layer, you don’t see its core directly. You will find that beneath it lies another layer and another until you reach its very core. We can think about how we work to get to know other people in this way.

In meeting someone still unknown, a normal person wouldn’t ask about how big someone’s house is. That may be disclosed by the person in some other layer, but not the surface. We get to know people by talking with them. Layer by layer, we discover different levels of disclosed information. Normally, conversations with people you just met are very superficial, name, age, et cetera. After that, to until what layer is peeled depends on the person.
This unraveling of secrets, getting to know each other sort of things may seem really interesting. So, we should be careful not to push things. There’s no reason to hurry. Rather, we peel each layer as it normally should. People are different. We may have met some people who easily revealed themselves to us. But still, some people may need a lot of time to disclose themselves. You yourself should know how far and even how fast you want things to happen in going in a relationship. Do not let the other person involved hurry or push you.

Depenetration. Relationships could reach the point when too much has been given. Costs can exceed benefits. At this time, one may choose to stop the peeling of layers. EVT may apply to this theory also. When expectancies in a relationship or conversation are violated, one may choose not to keep things going.


“ I cry when I’m angry, a humiliating tendency.” She is a person full of pride. And so, I felt really special when she disclosed that part of her to me – the side that accepts how she can be weak at times. I look forward to reaching her core.

Flying kisses.

“ I miss you, uhh, umm, (cyber) love..
- flying kisses :'( ”

I used to laugh at the thought of my friend crying over his boyfriend. She had chinky eyes so I thought it was just making her eyesight worse! It would have been acceptable, I thought, if he was what I call “real” boyfriend. “So he’s crying over a pseudo-boyfriend,” you may think. Luckily, that’s not what the guy was. Me and my other girl friends felt like heroines trying to save the world as we told her to stop crying over a stupid reason. For Pete’s sake, they haven’t even sniffed each other! It was kind of a Hollywood love story startin to happen. There’s no sense crying over him. In fact, it’s kinda pathetic. “Where I come from, we say, ‘cut the crap!’” We didn’t understand. And so we hurt her feelings.

The variety of theories mentioned in Griffin’s book, regarding the Social Information Processing Theory, that explain how computer-mediated communication (CMC) is different with face-to-face communication where also the things we told our friend.

We didn’t think you could possibly feel you are actually talking to someone when they are not physically present. The social presence theory pointed this out. CMC is “impersonal, individualistic, and task-oriented”.

Another issue is that you can’t see any nonverbal cues that would help you discern what message is supposed to be conveyed in the communication. Media Richness theory states that face-to-face communication can handle both verbal and nonverbal cues while CMC is rather limited.

The lack of social context cues is also another thing that is concentrated in comparing the two communication media. In CMC “people tend to become more self-absorbed and less inhibited”. It would result to more verbal attacks or sharp criticizations between the people communicating.


Joseph Walther, the author of the theory, believes that CMC provides no less different effects on both parties than face-to-face communication. He refers to it as “a sip instead of a gulp” referring to the fact that the same quantity and quality of interpersonal knowledge is achieved. But, is accumulated at a slower rate. Their “human need for affiliation is just as active as when they are with each other face-to-face”. It is just that in CMC, we would have to rely on text-only messages and still manage to convey the same information we want to. It was stressed that nonverbal cues can be interchanged with verbal cues.

Time. The level of intimacy that can be achieved in face-to-face communication can also be achieved in CMC. It is not about the amount of information but the rate it is accumulated. Obviously, we cannot type the words we want to say as fast as we can say it. In fact, as I am typing this, I speak the words too. And it requires me to either talk ridiculously slow or type superman-fast just to catch up.

My friend was scheduled to go to Manila for vacation the next summer. And so, it became another factor to add boost to their communication. They were looking forward to seeing each other. Anticipated future interaction, as part of Walther’s conception of Social Information Processing theory, is said to be “a way of extending psychological time”. It motivates both parties to get to know each other on a personal level. This better predicts how relationship is developed in both face-to-face communication and in CMC.

CMC relationships can get more intimate than relationships of partners that are together physically. Walther coined the term hyperpersonal to refer to this kind of relationship. This results from the four media effects that take place because the persons don’t are not communicating face-to-face.

When people meet online, they have a great opportunity to present and exaggerate their qualities to give a positive impression. This is called selective self-presentation. Some receivers though, may over-attribute the small information the sender has given to idealize the image of the sender. This occurs especially when similarities are mentioned. The channel of communication give partners the opportunity to communicate in their own time. Through this, time constraints are relaxed.



Back then, nobody could understand how my friend feels. After 2 years, I found my self on the same ground. Ironic.






Note: char.

Crossing borders

Commuting has never been a fun thing to do. I have to suffer chest pains and headaches everyday just to get to my current school which, unfortunately, is located in a not-so-far-away place from the city. The smog, heat, and unjustifiable fare I can take, but invasion of privacy? No. Good heavens, no. I have innumerable experiences of that. From an old man almost rubbing his eyes with mine, to a lady laughing with me as I read my text messages.

Judee Burgoon stated interesting facts and explanations of why I felt that way. In Burgoon’s Expectancy Violations theory, the term ‘expectancy’ was used in a different way than how we use it. Usually, we refer to “what is desired to happen” when using it. On the other hand, Burgoon reserves the term for “what is expected to happen”.

I wasn’t expecting passengers to stay 5 meters away from me or something. But an awkward eye to eye is way too much! It does not also mean that using my phone in a public vehicle would give them free privileges of reading my messages. My expectations were simply violated.

"Omg I don't know you! Get off me! ~x( "

The people I mentioned may have no idea of my personal space expectations. The fact that they are just total strangers, not my neighbors, friends, partners could be a reason why my expectations were violated. As individuals, we have different expectations, as well as interpretations, for every act. These have been created through our personal experiences, culture and, sex and gender differences. When
our expectations of other persons are violated, we will respond in specific ways.

We usually assign a value for every unexpected behavior, not minding the doer of the act. This, according to Burgoon, is called “violation valence”. It may be positive or negative. In order to meet expectations, do less or in a socially appropriate way when it is of negative valence, and exert more effort to go beyond to those of positive valence. Usually, if an act is unexpected and is interpreted and evaluated positively, it will produce more favorable outcomes than an act already expected interpreted and evaluated in the same way.

If the old man who stayed 5 inches from my nose were a long-time guy classmate, whom girls from the whole campus go crazy of, my reaction could have been different. I would probably think of the things that would possibly follow after that. Things in the future could be affected. On the positive side, we could end up in an intimate relationship, which could also make me famous! On the other hand, it may cause chaos between me and the desperate girls who crave for his attention.





"What can you do for me?"
"What can you do to me?"





The things I assigned to the person in front of me is called the “reward valence”. Depending on the reward valence is how you would interpret the violation and derive a meaning from it. This is when you must assign an interpretation as either positive or negative. This assessment of the behavior will influence the communication you engage or don't engage in, with this individual.

In order to know someone’s expectations, I believe one should experiment.

I think, therefore..

Girlfriend Lessons 101

(Feat. Fred Omalza|MauiHomez Potog)

"When a guy makes a prolonged "umm" or makes any excuses when you're asking him to do you a favor, he's actually saying that he doesn't like you and he can't lay down the card for you.

When a girl says "no", a guy hears it as "try again tomorrow".

If a guy tells you about his problems, he just needs someone to listen to him. You don't need to give advice.

A usual act that proves that the guy likes you is when he teases you."

So the list goes on..

Girls get crazy over these - thinking these numbered "tips" that seem to be just concerned for Eve's descendants are always right about everything that concerns guys: a living thing that is associated with the words liar, and liar.

We, people, act on certain things based on symbols and our own assigned meanings we can find in any given situation. We interact with these symbols and eventually form relationships around them. As we interact with one another, we aim to create shared meaning. Symbolic interactionism is the way we learn to interpret and give meaning to the world though our interactions with others.


These core principles of symbolic interactionism aid one to form his self concept as well as his socialization with the community:


1. Meaning

• Meaning itself is not inherent in objects. It is created in the interactions we have with other people in sharing our interpretations of symbols. That is, it takes place in the context of relationships whether with family or community. It can be modified through an interpretive process whereby we ourselves create our own meanings and confirm it with other people. As we converse with others, our social structures are worked out.

• We act toward others based on the meaning that those other people have assigned for us. Best example is the one given on Griffin's Chapter 4, the character played by Jodie Foster in the movie Nell. It was mentioned she responded to the different persons surrounding her based on how they treat her: crazy, a free spirit, a perfect object for research, an easy sexual prey, and someone of no difference from others.


When we say “human beings act toward things based on the meaning they have assigned for us”, we don’t mean to say these things have an inherent meaning. Rather, meanings differ depending on how we humans define as well as respond to them. The way we define or give meaning to the things we encounter will shape our action towards these things. An individual’s interpretation of the meaning will guide and determine action.

2. Language

• Humans learn the social meaning attached to certain words through their interaction with family, peers, and others as children. This is impossible without using and understanding a common language. That is, language is the source of meaning. The latter arises out of social interactions with one another, and language is the vehicle.

3. Thought or “Minding”

• Unlike animals, humans have the ability to think reflectively before doing a certain move. We don’t just act without deliberation.

• The way we think determines how we interpret symbols within any given situation. Through a reflective pause called “minding”, we are able to modify our own interpretation of these symbols.

The theory also talks about these ideas:

○ We become distinctively human through our continuous interaction with others. To understand people’s social acts, we need to use methods that enable us to discern the meanings they attribute to these acts.

The Self
- it emerges from the social interaction we have with others. By this, we get a glimpse of how we look to another person. We then internalize others’ perceptions through those interactions.

The “I” is our own concept of ourselves while the “Me” is the perceived view when we take the role of another which is based on the expectations and responses from others. Symbolic interactions is about things that we can actually see that is happening. Through interactions, individuals are able to create structures of symbols that make our everyday life meaningful. Names and definitions of things re not imposed, rather we as people are responsible in defining things and making them meaningful. This would make these things socially real. Through interaction we create structures of social experience: this is how “society” is created.

Not another love story.

Movie: How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
(Andie Anderson and Benjamin Barry)

We've heard echoes of fate's unforgettable stories of heroes and heroines in their quest to find that "one true love". They would usually be like one of those fairy tale characters: a naive & idealistic girl, and a perfect, night-in-shining-armor type of guy. But just when the perky little "How To" columnist journalist met the struggling ad exec and lifelong bachelor, falling in love meant breaking your own pact with the devil. Though it wasn't that realistic (like most feel-good movies are),the movie was a lot more different than the others. They both weren't giddy with the thought of discovering first love, but rather excited to screw everything up! And that, I believe, is what makes it a love story.

Most Filipinos, or even other conservative countries, would find their first meeting either unusual or unusual (if that's two different things). Always in search of that "perfect" column, and on the other hand, eager to get to pitch his advertising ideas, they sort of flirted with each other. Our cultural norms never agree to that. A quick hi-what's-your-name isn't enough to allow someone to hold you by the waist the next second. Now we may have this thought of considering the fact that they're Americans. The speaking distance they had can be associated with the culture their country has. It may sound stereotypical, but America's got way too different cultural norms with the Philippines. And I'm pretty sure everyone knows that.

Andie, by the time Ben asked him to go and have dinner somewhere else with him, agreed with no second thoughts. The physical appearance, personality, and communication style that Ben possessed made her make up her mind easily.Communicator characteristics, as mentioned in the concepts of EVT (under Expectancy) sure do affect communication results. And of course, what better target, than an avowed bachelor...like Benjamin.

But this won't be as easy as it seems because, aside from both of their hidden motives, they may not have similar structures of expected communication behavior. Violation valence still matters. The unexpected behaviors Ben showed Andie (or Andie showed Ben) could have been distressing to either of them. That could have been a reason for them to call things out! A flirty look could have been taken as a violation. Though stares are supposed to mean nothing but blank stares, different persons interpret things in diverse ways. Except, of course for some really obvious nonverbal behaviors. Most of the time we base our interpretations to its socially recognized meaning. Which, I think, was what both Andie did.

They would not have considered each other as targets if they don't think there is much of a benefit that they could get from each other. They have probably audited likely gains and losses that would possibly emerge during the 10 days they aim to spend with each other. Both could have not continued hanging out with each other if, at their first meeting, no interest can be sensed. We are undeniably easily turned off with uninteresting talks. But because the response was great,they may have foreseen a positive reward to follow in the future.

As Andie tried to alienate Ben and Ben doggedly tried to hang in there and make her his, they made a good example for the Expectancy violation theory. The well managed expectancies both characters had even led hearts to go pitter-pat and even to realize they really are crazy about each other.