The world is a plot..

..and we are onions.

My closest friends know a lot about me. They know when I cry, when I’m angry, and when I’m extremely happy. When I say a lot, I mean good, bad, or ugly. The time we have been together is just so long I can’t keep keep my real self from getting known to them. But it doesn’t mean every single person in my circle of friends know EVERYTHING about me. A lot, but not everything.

As we develop relationships with people, they penetrate deeper and deeper into our private and personal matters. Vulnerabilities may be exposed, but just as trust has been developed along the way. The Social Penetration Theory explains how this happens.

Using the onion concept Irwin Altman and Dalmas Taylor developed, one can be able to easily describe the human being’s nature. Like an onion, our personalities as individuals are multilayered in nature. As we peel an onion’s first layer, you don’t see its core directly. You will find that beneath it lies another layer and another until you reach its very core. We can think about how we work to get to know other people in this way.

In meeting someone still unknown, a normal person wouldn’t ask about how big someone’s house is. That may be disclosed by the person in some other layer, but not the surface. We get to know people by talking with them. Layer by layer, we discover different levels of disclosed information. Normally, conversations with people you just met are very superficial, name, age, et cetera. After that, to until what layer is peeled depends on the person.
This unraveling of secrets, getting to know each other sort of things may seem really interesting. So, we should be careful not to push things. There’s no reason to hurry. Rather, we peel each layer as it normally should. People are different. We may have met some people who easily revealed themselves to us. But still, some people may need a lot of time to disclose themselves. You yourself should know how far and even how fast you want things to happen in going in a relationship. Do not let the other person involved hurry or push you.

Depenetration. Relationships could reach the point when too much has been given. Costs can exceed benefits. At this time, one may choose to stop the peeling of layers. EVT may apply to this theory also. When expectancies in a relationship or conversation are violated, one may choose not to keep things going.


“ I cry when I’m angry, a humiliating tendency.” She is a person full of pride. And so, I felt really special when she disclosed that part of her to me – the side that accepts how she can be weak at times. I look forward to reaching her core.